Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
