rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
