Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
