I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
