It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
