What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
