This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
