Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
