Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
