i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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