brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
