I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
