I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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