FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
