She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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