I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
