he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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