Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
