I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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