My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
