the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
