What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
