if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
