Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
