The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just puked most of my soul out..
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
