You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
