me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize