community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
