so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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