I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
