You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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