enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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