I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
