I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
