i already hear my dad disowning me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
