Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
