You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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