these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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