his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I understand Curling. That high.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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