So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
