Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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