She is in my trunk
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
