Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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