i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
