You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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