video games are the ultimate cock blocker
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
