apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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