I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
