I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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