nut hugger
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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