Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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