Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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